January 14, 2016

Worrying about our children. About the future. About their overall well being. About how to be what they need. The list goes on.
I’ve noticed I lose the ability to focus on the present moment and maintain my sense of calm when I’m plagued with fears and worries.

Future worries for your child, especially if they are highly sensitive and anxious, can easily become overwhelming. 

When these worries are all consuming they make every moment more strained, more pressured and less tolerable, let alone enjoyable. They make it difficult to enjoy the good.
They make it difficult to remain calm in the storm.
They steal the now.
They take away your power.
They steal your ability to be your child’s rock and safe place of refuge.

Life will have storms and trials. Our children will many times be at the centre of these. We have two choices…
* Worry and resistance.
* Surrender and letting go.

Worrying and resisting will leave you anxious, exhausted, ill equipped to help, resentful, unable to be present in the moment. 

Surrender will enable calm, perspective, resourcefulness, centredness and presence. You can be a rock amidst the waves for your child, a safe haven amidst the storm. You will be able to think, to stay calm and to be exactly what he or she needs. Exactly what you need.

Last night, at 3.30am, our 5 year old daughter had an epic meltdown or panic attack or something.
Does everything feel blacker and more intense in the dark of the night? I completely lose any perspective I may have during the light of day.
For at least half an hour,  nothing my husband could do placated or calmed her. Eventually she started to calm down and respond coherently. By now I’d left our little toddler who was sleeping soundly and I was sitting beside our distressed girl holding her hand. It occurred to me as I sat with her that I was counting the seconds, resenting the minutes.
Was that how I wanted to feel?
What I wanted to transmit to her? Although I didn’t want to be awake or dealing with her anxiety, those things were unchangeable, they were out of my control. I realised I needed to take control of what WAS changeable. Essentially my own attitude. My approach to this situation. To these frequent situations.

I want to choose to accept my daughter’s struggle.
I want to surrender to what life, what our days, may bring.
I want to choose to be with her in the moments, whatever they may be.
I want to be her rock amidst the frightening and crazy storms she experiences.
I want to let go of any expectations I have that are not our reality. 

Our daughter’s daily struggle with anxiety is intense and impacts us all. It is out of my control. Things like popping to the supermarket quickly (with or without her) isn’t realistic. For me, expecting that something like this is realistic will only add to my frustrations and inability to be present and nurturing in the moments she needs me most. 

I have no idea what tomorrow may bring.
I do know that our little girl needs me now.
She needs me to be present and with her amidst her anxiety fuelled struggles.
She needs me to be a calm and safe anchor point. 
She needs my unconditional and safe love.
I need these things too, to be able to give her these things.

I will surrender to the messy outbursts, to the unknown, to everything about right now that seems scary.
I will choose to be that place of refuge. Of love. Her anchor and safe haven.

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